1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.....
He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
7. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
8. I'm not a complete idiot -- some parts ARE missing.
9. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
10. God must love stupid people; He made SO many.
11. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
12. Ever stop to think and then forget
to start again?
13. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
14. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I
15. I Have a degree in Liberal Arts; do you want fries with
16. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
17. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
18. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
19. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime
commitment for a pig.
20. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.