Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known.
. Never squat with your spurs on
. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
. Always drink upstream from the herd.
. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
. There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.
~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.
~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.