And that's when the fight started...

  Vipan
  karma level 3954


 
And  that's when the fight  started...  
 
  One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a  cemetery plot as a Christmas  gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she  asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I  bought you last year!" And that's how the fight  started.....    
 
My wife  and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in  bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have  Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final  answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,  'Yes.' So, I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And  that's when the fight  started...    
 
I took my  wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order  first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said,  "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for  herself." And that's when the fight  started.....    
 
My wife  and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept  staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat  alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know  him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he  took to drinking right after we  split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober  since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go  on celebrating that  long?" And then the fight  started...      
 
  When our  lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I  should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take  care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always  something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever  way to make her point.   When I arrived home one day, I found her  seated in the tall grass, busily  snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched  silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was  gone only a minute, and when I came out again, I handed her a  toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as  well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but  I will always have a limp.    
 
My  wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked,  "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight  started...      
 
 
  Saturday  morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped  quietly into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the van  and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was  blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on  the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all  day.   I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped  back into bed. I  cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and  whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My  loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is  out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight  started...    
 
My wife was  hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She  said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3  seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the  fight  started......    
 
After  retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social  Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's  License to verify my  age.   I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet  at home. I told the  woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and  come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So  I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That  silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me and she  processed my Social Security application.   When I got home, I  excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social  Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You  might have gotten disability too.' And then the fight  started...      
 
 
  My wife  was standing clotheless, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not  happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look  old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a  compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near  perfect." And then the fight  started........      
 
 
  I  rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad  day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a  DWARF!! He looked up at me and said, 'I am NOT Happy!' So  I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' That's how the fight  started 7
 



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