funny court conversations.....

  maulik patel
  karma level 70134

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,  
They are things people actually said in court,  
_______________________________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
 WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
 ____________________________________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
 WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
 ________________________________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
 WITNESS: Yes. 
 ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
 WITNESS: I forget. 
 ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
 ________________________________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
 WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 
 ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
 WITNESS: My name is Susan!  
 ________________________________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know 
about it until the next morning? 
 WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
 ________________________________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he? 
 WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. 
 ________________________________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
 WITNESS: Is this a trick question?  
 ________________________________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
 WITNESS: Yes. 
 ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
 WITNESS: Uh..... I was getting laid! 
 ________________________________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? 
 WITNESS: Yes. 
 ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
 WITNESS: None. 
 ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
 WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a 
new attorney? 
 ________________________________________________ 
   ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
 WITNESS: By death. 
 ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
 WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? 
 ________________________________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
 WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. 
 ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
 WITNESS: Guess. 
 ________________________________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I 
sent to your attorney? 
 WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
 ________________________________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
 WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? 
 ________________________________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
 WITNESS: Oral. 
 ________________________________________________ 
  
 ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
 WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. 
 ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
 WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! 
 ________________________________________________ 
  
 -- And the best for last: --- 
   
 ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
 WITNESS: No. 
 ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
 WITNESS: No. 
 ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
 WITNESS: No. 
 ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
 WITNESS: No. 
 ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
 WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
 ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
 WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law


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