How To Kill A Software Engineer?

  manish yadav
  karma level 10579



How To KILL A   LION  , COMPANIES FOLLOW THE FOLLOWING METHODS:

Cognizant Method:
hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more....... and more .......

TCS method:

hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration

Accenture Method:

Hire a lion....
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...
No good food, No water.
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......


IBM's metbod:

hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour ...
he dies of unemployment...

Syntel Method:-

Hire a Cat ...
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....

MBT method:

hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain?

i-Flex method:

hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes
alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

COSL Method:

hire a lion .
tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance...
lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat....

Polaris Method :

hire ..sorry....purchase a lion(COSL) ..
change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ...change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....


Capgemini method:

hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining....


Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day........!!!!


HUAWEI   Method:

Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
No time for food and family, automatically die


PATNI   Method:
After joining when the Lion comes to know the full form of PATNI as …
… Pathetic Appraisal Technique & No Increment
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
He gets frustrated and dies slowly …

THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST


INFOSYS METHOD:


HIRE A LION.....
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE
....................................................KING OF THE JUNGLE! J
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM
.............................................LION TURNS INTO CAT
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM
...................................................CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG
...........................................MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
.................................................MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE  ...   :-) :-) :-)
   This is how software engineers die in India .


Thanks & Regards

Manish Yadav



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