|karma level 70854|
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about
trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job
is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.
My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as
sleek as a little MG; now they look more like my mother's old Buick
My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging.
Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Ben & Jerry's opened a shop in my
Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my
eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.
I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places
and seen many things, but when' s the last time an appraiser factored
life experiences against depreciation?
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things
My reaction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and
skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to
reach my maximum speed. I'm burning fuel at an inefficient rate.
But here's the worst of it - almost every time I sneeze or cough, my
radiator seems to leak.
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