One Liners

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Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

 


Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

 


When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

 


The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

 


Born free taxed to death.

 


Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

 


Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

 


Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

 


If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble
Putting on your pants.

 


It's not hard to meet expense s, they are everywhere.

 


The hardest part of skating is the ice.

 


My phone number is 17. We got one of the early ones.

 


The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

 


In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

 


If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll
Believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted,
He has to touch it to be sure.

 


I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.

 


If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

 


Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

 


If you can't convince them, confuse them.

 


It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

 


I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

 


Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

 


The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

 


Someday is not a day of the week

 


Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to
Itch.

 


Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

 


Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

 


Cannon's Karmic Law:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat
Tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

 


O'Brien's Variation Law:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster
Than the one you are in now.

 


Bell's Theorem :
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

 


Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters :
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are
With someone you don't want to be seen with.

 


Willoughby's Law :
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

 


Zadra's Law of Biomechanics :
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

 


Breda's Rule :
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle
Arrive last.

 


Owen's Law :
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask
You to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

 


Howden's Law :
You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the
Mailbox.

 



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