some old ones

  Admin
  karma level Awesome

Q: Why are breasts located in the upper half of a woman's body?
A: Because, milk should be kept away from the pussy?

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A blowjob is the only job in the world that can't be included in your
resume despite years of experience and a number of refrences!

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Q: What's the diff between hook in cricket and hook of bra?
A: One sends ball out of boundary and other keeps balls within the boundary.

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When nobody luvs u, nobody cares 4 u, nobody think about u, every1
ignores u, then go n sit in the corner close ur eyes n think: Bhanch*d
Chakar kya hai?

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Jack & Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

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As a man goes older, it is harder and harder for him to grow harder.

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Q: Why are men like a toothbrush?
A: They are useless without handle.

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When I was born I got the choice: a major dick or a fine memory. I am
not able to remember what I did choose.

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Thought for the day: In terms of sex satisfaction, woman is like a
road and a man is like a traveller. The traveller gets tired but the
road never ends!

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Man quits smoking because of will power.
He quits drinking because of will power.
But he quits womanizing because he has the will but no power.

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Woman has man in it; Mrs. has Mr in it; Female has male in it; She
has He in it; Madam has Adam in it; No wonder men always want to be
inside women!

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Q: Agar Madhubala ki jagah Mallika Sherawat hoti Mughal-e-Azam mein to
film ka naam kya hota?
A: Mughal-e-Orgasm!!!

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Kaho Santa ji suhaag raat kaisi rahi?
Kuch mat pooocho yaar! Pehle 5-6 baar to missed call lagi aur jab sahi
number laga to balance nil ho gya?

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Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed
and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right
hand.

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Write an essay which contains factors religion, sex & mystery.
Winning essay: Oh my god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it!

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Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.

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Q: What's the difference between a person who is committing suicide
and a virgin?
A: One is trying to die and the other one is dying to try.

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An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think
about it, the harder it gets.

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Lightest muscle is a man's PENIS. It can be raised by a woman's TONGUE!
Strongest muscle is a man's TONGUE! It can raise a woman's LEGS!

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Taking a clue from recent budget, a call girl now charges extra for
ANAL entry. She calls it 'Turnover' tax.

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A survey by Cosmo states that women who sleep on their side are
sensitive, on stomach are competent and on their back with legs in the
air are very popular.

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Mr Elahi had 3 sons named Rehmet-e-Elahi, Brkat-e-Elahi, n Mehbub-e-Elahi.
When his 4th son was born his wife decided to name him Bus-Kar-e-Eelahi

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A bachelor gives an AD in a matrimonial.
"Wanted - Girl Age no bar, looks no bar, Money no bar, But SEX
Baar-baar, Hazaar bar...... Lagataar....!

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If the penis is hard & erect it needs good fuck,
if its erect but soft it needs good suck,
if its neither hard nor erect, it needs good luck!

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3 Facts of Life
Garib aur Boobs hamesha dabte hai.
Musibat aur penis kabhi bhi khade ho jate hai.
Kismat aur Bra kabhi bhi khul sakti hai.

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Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai?
Jab kisi ladki ka rape hone ke badd uski ma bolti hai "HEY BHAGWAN YE
TUNE KYA KIYA.

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Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!

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A girl who opens her hands receives gifts. Who opens her heart
receives love. Who opens her legs receives happenis

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Nipple, Nipple don't b far,
let me press u in my car,
up above the chest so high,
always milky never dry,
let me suck u don't feel shy, in the bra u'll die.

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Smoking one cigarette makes your life 11 minutes shorter. A good fuck
makes it last 15 minutes longer. So smokers...FUCK FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!

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Confucious say Man have more hair on chest than woman - but on the
(w)hole woman have more.

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Behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man, but behind a
SATISFIED woman there is an EXHAUSTED man.

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Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing
Santa thinks: Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi
condom saath le jaa rahi hai.

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Pappu meets Santa on stairs of a KOTHA.
Pappu: Papa aap yahan kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ab 200-300 rupaye ke peeche teri mummy ke nakhre nahi sahe jaate!

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The wife was crying in pain as Banta was tryin to fuck her in the ass.
Banta says: Zyada rone ki zaroorat nahin, mujhe pata hai kitna dard hota hai.

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Banta to his wife, Preeto: Dear, you are the best woman in the world.
Yesterday I got convinced of this once again.

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Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utar dunga.
Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha hai.
Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai.

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Santa: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought
to cross your mind?
Wife: That you are a homosexual.

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Pappu: What's the difference between Confidence and Confidential?
Santa: U are my son I'm Confident. Ur friend is also my son, that's
Confidential.

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Pappu: Dad what's the diff between luv, belief & relief.
Santa: Ur Mom is my luv, ur maid is my relief & I'm your Dad - well,
that's my belief.

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A man phoned & asked: Hello, is it 221714?
Jeeto: Hindi me bolo.
Man:Do-Do-Ek-Sat Choda?
Jeeto: Nahi Sir, Teen-Teen-Ek-Sat Choda, 331714.

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Santa standing in balcony without shirt.
Banta, "Wah Santa ji kya chest hai.
Santa, "Eh tan kuch nahi andar ja ke apni bharjai di dekh.

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In a party, a lady wanted to go to toilet. She said to Santa: Susu
karne ki jagah dikhaao.
Santa: U naughty girl, pehle tum dikhaao.

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I'm organizing group sex at my home. Will u join?
Santa: Yes, yes. How many people r there?
Banta: Just three. Me, u n ur wife.

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Pappu sees his parents having sex.
Pappu: Papa, kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Petrol bhar raha hoon.
Pappu: Avg check karaao, abhi to Banta uncle dal kar gaye hain.

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During sex Jeeto asks repeatedly: Do u love me, do u really love me?
Irritated Santa: What the hell do u think, I am doing pushups?

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Jeeto: Kal chor aya aur mere sath sex karke chala gaya.
Santa: Tumne use roka nahi?
Jeeto: Bahut kaha rukne ke liye, bola kal phir aaunga.

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Banta: What four letter word starts with F and ends with K and if a
man can't get it he uses his hands?
Santa: Fork
How does a vagina luk before sex?
Like a pink rose with soft petals and great aroma.
And after sex?
Have u ever seen Santa's face after he drinks lassi?

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Santa: Oye Banta don't marry that girl, she is like a TAXI. Banta:
Choti si to city hai yaar... kitni chali hogi?

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Santa touched Jeeto's boobs and sung: Piyo glass full doodh, wonderful doodh.
Jeeto touched his penis and said: Thanda matlab CHOTA COKE!

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Jeeto was about to give birth to a baby.
Santa: If it looks like u, it would be great.
Jeeto: If it looks like u, it would be a miracle.

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Banta to a Doctor: I have diarrhea & it won't go away.
Doctor: Did you try using a lemon?
Banta: Yes I did. When I remove it, it starts again.

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Banta: Did u have a chance 2 sleep with my wife?
Santa: What r u saying? I'd never even think about such thing.
Banta: U might want 2. She's much better then yours.

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Ek pathan ki shaadi ke 3 din baad uski patni boli, "Maine apse shaadi
is liye ki hai ki humare bache hon, is liye nahi ke mujhe poty khul
kar aaye.

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Mother: Do u know the meaning of Mangalsutra?
Daughter: Yes, it is the license to enjoy Kamasutra.

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Lady 2 Maid: Tu saare kaam mein bekaar hai!
Bai: Bister mein to aap se aachi hoon!
Lady: Tujhe sab ne bola kya?
Bai: Nahin, driver bol raha tha!

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A man kills a deer & cooks it but doesn't tell kids what it is.
He gives a clue: It's what mom calls me.
Boy cries out: Don�t eat it. It's a fucking asshole.

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Suhagrat ke time darvaze pe dastak hoti hai toh dulhan bhag k parde ke
peeche chup jati hai.
Husband: Kya hua?
Dulhan: Mujhe laga police ki raid par gai.

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Son kills a butterfly.
Dad: No butter for 2 weeks.
Son kills a honeybee.
Dad: No honey for 2 weeks.
Mom kills a cockroach.
Son: Dad u tell her or should I?

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Description of prostitute, wife & girlfriend in mobile language?
First one is prepaid, second is postpaid and the last one is democard.

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Ek bahu saari raat paraaye mard ke saath sokar aayi lekin uski saas ne
kuch nahin kaha, why?
Kyonki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!!

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Q: Why are breasts located in the upper half of a woman's body?
A: Because, milk should be kept away from the pussy?

****************************************************

To avoid condom related accident use 2 condoms with chilli powder in
between them if outer breaks she will know and if inner one breaks you
will know!

****************************************************

A blowjob is the only job in the world that can't be included in your
resume despite years of experience and a number of refrences!

****************************************************

Kisses blown r kisses wasted. Kisses r not kisses unless they r tasted.
Kisses spread germs and germs r hated, but u can kiss me baby I�m vaccinated.

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Q: What is the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A: A fridge does not moan when there is meat inside.

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Q: Why does a woman have two pair of lips?
A: One is for fighting and one is to make up.

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Q: What is the resemblance between a woman and a condom?
A: They both fit around your dick and are present in your wallet.

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Q: Why does a stupid blond girl never swim on her belly?
A: When she feels something wet she turn on her back.

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When I was born I got the choice: a major dick or a fine memory. I am
not able to remember what I did choose.

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I'm a bit shy...I'd like to have sex with you; you do not have to say
yes, just smile to me!

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A kiss is called humanity if its on cheek, love if on lips, passion if
on breast, humor if on navel, sex if on vagina and called bravery if
its on ass hole.

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A Guy picks up a girl for the date. Why are u wearing ur belt around ur knee.?
Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt.

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Thought for the day: In terms of sex satisfaction, woman is like a
road and a man is like a traveler. The traveler gets tired but the
road never ends!

****************************************************

A teacher: What part of the body goes to heaven first?
A child replies: Feet- coz every night I see my mum with her feet in
the air screaming GOD I'M COMIN!

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A blonde has a car crash & an ambulance arrives.
The paramedic asks, "How many fingers have I got up?" Blonde replies,
"Oh no, I think I'm paralyzed too.

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Q: What do you call Afghan virgin?
A: Never Bin LaDen.

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Woman has man in it; Mrs. has Mir in it; Female has male in it; She
has He in it; Madam has Adam in it; No wonder men always want to be
inside women!

****************************************************

A Greek n Italian was arguing over who is superior.
Greek: We gave sex to the world.
Italians: Yes you did, but we introduced it to women!

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A mother taught to her son to go to bathroom by the numbers. 1 open
your fly, 2 take out your equipment, 3 pull back the skin, 4 do your
business, 5 let the skin forward, 6 stow your equipment, 7 close your
fly. She used to check him often n she was pleased to listen
1,2,3,4,5,6,7 until one day when she heard, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5,3-5.

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At a Gynecologist convention in two gynecologists were talking. One
from France says, "There was a woman in my office yesterday with a
clitoris like a watermelon."
One from England says, "That's impossible, if she had a clitoris the
size of a watermelon she couldn't walk.
The first one responded, "You English, always thinking about size. I
was talking about taste."

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Marsha completed four weeks of dental restoration with the dentist.
She confided to her best friend that she had fallen in love with her
dentist and she was going to propose to him.
Her friend said, "You're beautiful, you have dozens of men that adore
you. Why is this dentist THE man for you?"
"Because," explained Marsha, "he is the first man that ever said to me
'SPIT, don't SWALLOW'."

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And I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I
thought "service" meant.
Then one day, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them
mentioned that he was having a bull service a few of his cows. WHAM!!
It all came into perspective! Now I understand what all those
"service" agencies are doing to us.

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What a rip-off. I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge
display with a sign saying "Newly translated from the original French:
37 mating positions."
Noticing that the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, I
just hadda buy one. Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of
my wife, and found that I had just purchased an expensive book about
Chess.

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The doctor was surprised to find old man Jones sitting on the bed
holding up his middle finger and sticking out his tongue. He walked
over to the nurse who was taking his vitals.
"Excuse me," said the doctor, "but why is Mr. Jones sitting like that?"
The nurse replied, "I told him you were going to examine his sexual organs."

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A college professor in an art class asked his students to sketch a naked man.
As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches, he
noticed that one of the young ladies had sketched the man with an
erection.
The professor said, "Oh, no, I wanted it the other way."
She replied, "What other way???"

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woman to a doctor
Can i have annel sex
DOC: oh yes y not but b carefull not to get pregrent
WOMAN: how can one get pregrent with annel sex
DOC: wat do u think ASSHOLES come from???????

****************************************************
Talwaar & Salwaar

what is similarty between talwaar & salwaar

" dono ke khulne se saamne wala aadmi gayal ho jata hai"

****************************************************

Uska Badan

Badan uska silky ho,

Breast uski milky ho,

Dekhne me chikni ho,

Pehni usne bikini ho,

Neche uske chimney ho....

Lamba apna danda ho,

Usme jaake thanda ho..

****************************************************

During a sexual session
the girl says: "u r like a mobile phone!"

Boy: "Do I vibrate a lot?"
Girl: "No, when u get in to the
tunnel u loose da network

****************************************************

Q: Do you know why girls don't
keep thier mobiles in shirt pocket?

A: B'coz can't get signals near
hills & mountains.

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aurat ne 6 bachon ko ek saath janam diya
aurat bed say utri apne husband ko thaper laga kay boli main ne mana kiya tha ke kutte ke taranmat kro.





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